Displaced and Retreating but still trying to keep up

It has been a stupidly long time since I posted due to a metric heck ton of poop I got dumped onto myself over the past few months. Now, some of it was self-induced so it isn't really any excuse that I broke my promise to myself that I would type something up here no matter what happened. I am learning however not to beat myself up horribly on these things at least and since it is good to get things out on a page and away from my mind I am going to give this another try. I won't get into what was happening that made it so I didn't have a fiber in my body that wanted to post but I will let whoever bothers to read this know the gist of what was in that heap of poop.

1. A break-up
2. Scary online dating experience
3. Finding out I may lose my job thanks to a corporate acquisition
4. General fibromyalgia induced depression and pain
5. Winter destroyed my greenhouse
6. Therapy doesn't work for me

 Though all this crazy junk is happening right now in my life, I am still really hopeful that great things are still yet to happen in my life. It feels really weird for me to say it since I am pretty bummed out about all of this stuff and have a sense of impending doom looming in my stomach but I actually feel like these terrible things are helping me grow a lot. For the first time in a long, long time I've had to sit down and force myself to really think thru everything even if it brings me to tears. I've spent hours crying, nights totally sleepless, and my days handling the nit-picky system changes testers bark at me to make. This all while starting up university again and feeling like every bone, muscle and cell in my body has been dipped in kerosene and set on fire. When I think about all this, I realize something absolutely amazing...that I am somehow still here. I made a choice to move away from bad situations. I am not at risk of losing my job because I did something wrong. I am not thinking about self-terminating or dosing up on medications anymore because I forced myself to accept myself illness and all. When we hit what feels like rock bottom, I've found myself given two options give up or figure it out. I don't have answers, I know I'll inevitably screw something up but even though I am displaced and retreating back down the hole, I reckon I can still figure out how to crawl back out. Not sure what my point was in typing this out to post...but anyway I am going to try my best!

These Makeup Ingredients Could Be Killing You

 I am sure it isn't any secret now days, but if you were living under a rock like I was for the past 8 years, you might not know that many drug store cosmetics actually contain really toxic ingredients that can increase your risk for developing cancer in the future or aggravate in-tolerances/allergies you may not know you have.
   It is a theory in fact that Fibromyalgia could also be triggered in some individuals due to dozens or even hundreds of small allergic reactions which an individual may have to common household chemicals they come into contact with throughout the day. Multiple Chemical Sensitivity Syndrome is found to overlap with illnesses like Fibromyalgia in 16% of  people who have it. 40% of people who have Chronic Fatigue are seen to also suffer from MCS. Now, the only way to really be sure if you have Multiple Chemical Sensitivity is to go and get a very intensive allergy test done, but you can always start eliminating the things which are overall bad right away. Today, I wanted to spread the word on these eight harmful chemicals and metals found in your makeup because, if you have been sick since fifteen like me, you probably want to reduce the number of variables that could make it worst.

1. Formaldehyde and/or Formaldehyde preservative- This stuff is used to keep dead people from rotting as quickly. It is a known carcinogen on the FDA list. Formaldehyde exposure is said to be possibly linked to brain tumors, hematopoietic, and lymphatic cancers. This is a common ingredient in nail polishes.
2. Petrolatum- Is an ingredient that is commonly found in creams and lotions. It is linked to skin cancer with long term use. Petrolatum is oil-based as the name implies and cannot be metabolized by the body but do penetrate the skin, meaning its really hard to get this chemical out once it is in your body. While not on the list of carcinogens provided by the FDA it is one ingredient which is hotly debated to be there.
3. Cyclomethicone and anything ending in "siloxane"- These sorts of chemicals are often found in foundations, deodorant, facial creams, and other lotions. It can be harmful to your reproductive system's health. While it leaves your skin smooth and silky, I am not sure it is worth not avoiding since reproductive system cancers have very low survival rates.
4. Parabens- Are commonly found in shampoos, conditioners, foundations, concealers, and lipsticks to name a few. This preservative is used to prevent fungus and bacteria growth in your products. This one is debatable as to whether it is truly bad or not, but it has suggested links to endocrine system disruption, reproductive toxicity and neurotoxicity, among other issues. Many companies are starting to move away from its use, but it may be something to look out for.
5.  DEA - This chemical makes that nice lather and bubble you see in a bubble bath or from a shampoo or soap most commonly. It can also be in sunscreen or moisturizer. It is on the carcinogen list and has been linked to cancer in the liver. 
6. Aluminum- Common in your kitchen and surprisingly common in your deodorants. This is something I personally am working on removing from my life in entirety. It is linked to breast cancer and there have been many studies that would strongly suggest Aluminum exposure can increase your changes of developing Dementia or Alzheimer's Disease. 
7. Lead- Is a color additive in lipstick and is not regulated in the slightest. It can cause hair loss, rashes, and a large number of other bad things to happen with prolonged exposure. This one also does not metabolize so once it gets into your body very hair or impossible to remove.
8. Mercury- Found commonly in Mascara, it is a neurotoxin and like other heavy metals will not metabolize.

 If this has been eye-opening and helpful let me know in the comments below and subscribe for more stuff like this in the future. I try and post something at least once a week. I am going to do some updates later on with brands that don't have these gross ingredients.

Best ways to Eliminate or Avoid Squash bugs

Every year millions of at home gardeners and farmers are plagued with the menace known as the squash bug. The breed faster than rabbits, smell like rancid milk and vinegar, are huge and eat EVERYTHING! Contrary to the name they do not just like to attack your summer squash they will take advantage of anything you leave a little less cared for. If you could not tell, I absolutely hate these little beast! But I have quickly learned a few secrets that have allowed my to keep my plants healthy and productive and today I wanted to share my top observations on how to handle these pesky little beetles.  They aren't the most traditional routes you could go, but they are very simple and you will probably have access to get this stuff if you don't own it already.

• Dish Soap works amazingly as insecticide not just for the squash bug, but for a whole host of hostile bugs which you can find crawling over your plants. All you need to do is add about a half teaspoon of it to a water filled spray bottle, spray any it directly on the bug and it will die in a matter of minutes. (Word of caution, this can burn your plants so if you accidently spray it on a large area rinse it off as soon as your sure the bug is dead.)
• Use a green house or garden tent to increase the temperature around your plant. This one I found out unintentionally while experimenting with a new greenhouse set up. In the southern area which I live, the temperature normally gets above 90 degrees Fahrenheit in the summer, but my greenhouse goes well over 100 even with the door open. The high heat levels are actually really being loved by my cucumber and squash plant and the heat seems to be keeping away the major pesks which would have already invaded by this time last year. I think its a win-win and I'll definitely do this in the years to come.

If you try these, let me know how they work out for you in the comments below and if you want to keep up with this blog subscribe with your email, its free!

Back-Pain Free Garden plots/boxes

I really like growing fruits and veggies these days. It is a really peaceful outlet that I can do on my own, but there was a span of a few years where I had to give it up on my favorite pass time. It was getting super painful to bend over and squat down to maintain the plants. In order to not permanently loose my one actually productive hobby, I started to think of alternative ways which I could plant and maintain my mini-field. On day it suddenly hit me when I was watching a YouTube video on indoor hydroponics. The farm where the video was being filmed was actually growing vertically all the way up to the ceiling. Needless to say, when I can afford a home of my own (or rather if I can? ), I am going to get into some hydroponics. Before that though, I am building myself the perfect raised bed to practice outside for a few years. I say practice, because I have can't say I have had the best track record of keeping my plants alive since I've been sick. I also have a lot to learn about getting the most productivity out of my garden too. This time I want to start with baby steps, simple and slowly to absorb all the information at my new pace.  If you want to join me and try my new styled raised plot here are the instructions and a little doodle for reference:

Materials:

• 1 strong, kind friend or parent (or several days of time, I got a helper for this but if I did it alone I'd probably be laying no more then 3 blocks a day)
• 42 thin cinder block bricks with or without holes or 4 long boards (I am doing cinder blocks to make it more permanent, if you use wood be sure to hassle the store people to cut it for you they do it for free, and that means less work for you)
• 4 48 inch long wooden stakes (Wood version only)
• 4 tubes of a Cement sealer/ glue or if you are using wood pick up nails, hammer and wooden stakes.
• 1/2 a gallon of paint or stain in your favorite color and paint (optional)
• A shovel with a rectangular shape
• 8-12 bags of potting soil (I used a mix or yard dirt that my helper dug up while grading and cheap dirt to fill in the lowest levels of the plot and good dirt on the last 8 inches).
• Your least favorite or only gardening gloves

Instructions:

•  Pick your location and remove any grass/level the spot for the size bed you want. The materials list above makes a bed that is roughly 8' by  3' in size.

       For blocks:

• Once your location is mostly level and clear, start laying your first tier of bricks you'll want to use 5 bricks each long side and 2 blocks for the short sides, put your cement glue or sealer on the sides of the bricks in even squiggles and make sure to push them together tightly. For the next row, do the same and also add glue to the bottom of your brick, if any glue comes out smooth it back into the crack with your gloved hands. Repeat for the last layer.
•  Paint and fill with your choice of dirt and plants

      For wood:

• In the store request each board except one cut in half (these are the long sides), have the last board cut so that you have 6 pieces which are 2 1/2 ft long(these are for the short sides).
• Once your location is mostly level and clear, take your long wooden stakes and hammer into ground till the stand roughly 36-40 inches tall.
• Now that the stakes are in, nail the planks into the stakes for the short sides, then the long ones. Be sure to line the planks as close together as possible. 
• Paint and fill with your choice of dirt and plants.

I am no expert in building, but so far mine is looking like it will hold steady. Let me know how I can improve this or if you have any questions in the comments below. Shameless plug, if you want to keep tabs with this blog and my journey for inspiration, gardening ideas, or tips on how to live decently with fibromyalgia subscribe with your email today. I don't get any of your info, but you get a little notification whenever I post win-win right!?

5 Fibromyalgia symptoms your doctor's pamphlet doesn't mention..

So when after you've had fibromyalgia for a least a year, you'll may start to notice some more strange symptoms popping up out of no where into your life. This is where your life with an illness gets really fun! For me at least, it has turned into somewhat of a game since I was about 17 years old.. the is it worth my time at the doctor's game. I will be the first person to acknowledge how terrible that sounds, but I have a really limited amount of money and I am hanging onto my office job by the skin of my teeth it. I will say I DO NOT RECOMMEND playing this sort of game with your health, if you have a new symptom pop up make sure to get it looked at properly. That being said, here are my top 5 weird symptoms which popped up at one  point or I never got told about by my doctor till years into my new life.

1. Raynaud's Syndrome- Your fingers and toes may turn blue or purple one day when you are walking home from class on a winter's day or just a normal one which was extra long. If you live in a northern area, this could just be frost-bite. If you live in a southern area, like I do, its going to scare the snard out of you and you'll probably think you might be dying. Do not be super alarmed, Raynaud's Syndrome is a very treatable condition. Bring it up at your next doctor visit.
2. Non-Cardiac Chest Pain- This particular symptom has cost me probably about two or three thousand dollars. I am so sorry if you also have this...but hey that's the Fibro life. As you saw in your doctors diagnosis pamphlet thing, Fibromyalgia may cause individuals to experience painful muscle spasms through-out there bodies, what they don't mention is that these can happen in the muscles of your rib-cage. This can lead you to thinking that you are having a heart attack on occasion even when you are not. For this one I had to get a really extensive cardiac health analysis done when I was 18 years old, but even so I still worry like a mad women when this symptom happens.
3. In-ability to regulate your body temperature- Winter can feel like summer, Summer can feel like winter. The weather doesn't dictate what you wear, your body temp does. I've noticed sometimes I'm two degrees colder than the normal temp sometimes, I usually don't get higher temps then normal, but I will get colder...its even something my doctor wrote noted. Not sure if it affects anything with heat regulation, but its something I think might.
4. Increased PMS syndromes- It's like if PMS became a really hardcore biker babe and decided she wanted to rule a small rural town with her gang. My doctor denies it, but the internet forums and my body say otherwise.
5. Speech Impediment- Not only will you have the dreaded Fibro-Fog, but you may be "blessed" with the inability to properly find and say your words. This is my worst enemy, people laugh at me for it, and I hate it. I have yet to find a doctor who will take me seriously on this and it is a source of great embarrassment. I could be talking normally one moment then suddenly i can't get the word I want out, or I might say a totally different word and not even realize it till I'm told.

Fibromyalgia College Tips

  So this is my first time posting to this blog I made, woo-hoo milestone! Now, silly self-congratulations aside, if you are reading this, chances are you are also part of the exclusive club that is Juvenile Fibromyalgia or just have regular Fibromyalgia and want to go to school. I too was in this boat a few years back and, at least for me, it was terrifying! I wasn't sure how I'd make it thru because of how forgetful I was and how bad my flares would get on a day to day basis. All I knew was that I HAD to try, because if I ever wanted a job that wasn't basically actual physical torture, I had to get a degree. After three painstaking years I got my degree and I will tell you it was the most amazing thing I have ever done, so glad I did not chicken out! While I will admit that I probably made things way harder on myself (I was adamantly averse to admitting I need help with anything because of my foolish young person pride), I did discover some really great ways to pull thru College and some things that I would have done differently if I could go back in time. Here are my tips on how to get thru your college years:

1. Print every one of your syllabi, lot of professors will write down every last detail how the course will progress in the syllabus. If you keep it with all your notes and handouts and look at it when you get to your dorm, it helps immensely with not forgetting you actually have homework. It also helps you know which classes you might be able to afford skipping if a flare pops up.
2. E-book or no book is key. Often if you look long enough or hard enough you'll be able to find them online free or a lot cheaper then the bookstore will sell them. It will also give you a lighter bag and less clutter to clean in your dorm.
3. Try to schedule all your classes in the shortest walking distance possible from each other and area you park. I learned really quickly that the less walking I had to do, the better my grades were going to be. Always plan your class schedule like a tourist going sightseeing to limit the amount of physical efforts required. Making your schedule tight, and placed among 2 or 3 neighboring buildings will limit the amount of strain on you.
4. Limit clubs, fraternities and sororities to the most important ones to you. I am going to come out and say it, Clubs and organizations are very pointless despite what they will tell you at their little booths. Being in DECA or Alpha Psi Bubu Phi will not help you get a job when you graduate. Sure they can be a great fun way to meet new people, but they aren't a means to your end goal necessarily. I joined something called Enactis paid like 150 dollar to do things for them, and made zero friends or connections out of it. Ultimately do what you want here, but they cost a lot of money, and they will get grouchy if you miss a few weeks of meetings cause you were sick. In my opinion, it wasn't worth it but try one or two if you want.
5. Enroll in hybrid and online classes sparingly. I say this because they take a lot of extra motivation and self-prioritization then classroom courses. At least for me, I found it helped me to be able to go into a classroom and passively listen then it was to try to force myself to read materials while feeling miserable. If you regularly have bad pain flares, I recommend the classroom. Once you get into the room, you just have to listen and then you won't be behind.
6. Sweatpants are your friend enough said, they are easy on the joints and baggy so you can't feel the seams. After all, you aren't paying to look cute sitting at a desk, you are paying to learn.
7. Use Disability services if you need help. I was adamantly stubborn and didn't do this but that doesn't mean you have to be! They will help you with notes, transport to class, and test taking time extensions so long as you have your doctor note you are in need! I was young and stupidly stubborn and totally regret not taking advantage of at least the transportation they provide.